We all know the obvious great ideas to get fired like complete moral failure and violence to students, but if you aren’t quite ready to go to jail, here are some other great ways to loose your job!
Dress and act like a kid – When the church hired you, they were hiring an adult to run a youth program. They were hiring someone to minister to the kids of adults and take care of those kids when their parents entrusted them to your care. All you need to do is try and get as many people to think of you as “Just one of the kids” to ensure your demise. Since it is ultimately the adults who decide on your job. Only relate to them in awkward teenage-feeling ways and never, ever dress anything like them.
Friendzone relationships with teens – You are no longer a teenager, and though you, like uncle Rico, may want to relive your teen years, it is completely inappropriate for you to have teenage friends, and totally weird to the teens. So, make sure to tell kids things like, “If you guys breakup, I’ll be on your side.” and post pictures on social media with you and teens as often as you can talking about your “friends” though there are no adults shown.
Don’t worry about the numbers – Now that you are doing the other two of these, the teens are probably getting creeped out and parents losing their confidence in your leadership. That means that they will start trickling out using excuses about being overcommitted and the ever popular “It’s just not really fun.” Don’t worry about it! You aren’t “all about the numbers” right? Churches like almost nothing less than a steady decline in attendance so make sure to do nothing about it and make everyone who points out the decline feel bad for even being so shallow as to bring it up.
Constantly change and never communicate – Faced with the reality of losing your job, the weaker among us may panic and try and change things to make it better. If you catch yourself doing this, you can remedy the situation and still loose your job by making changes to your weekly schedule more than two or three times a year. But, if you want to take it to the next level, don’t tell anyone except the two kids who accidentally came last week. And, don’t wimp out and put a sign on the door either!
Undermine your supervisor – Maybe its the senior pastor or maybe its some mid-level church manager, but they have a lot of sway in keeping you around when things are going south. So, undermine them at all cost. Talk about how they don’t know how to do inistry, and when they end up overruling your most recent brainstorm, don’t say “We decided not to do that” or “That just didn’t work out.” Name them. Say “Joe Silver said we can’t do it.” They will definitely hear about it and then you don’t have to even undermine them to their face . This is way better. You don’t want to be about to get fired and them want to save you at the last second.
Now, go forth into all your community pretending to be a teen with teen friends, ignoring attendance, changing everything and undermining your supervisor!